Smurfs Box Office Prediction

Paramount Animation hopes that Smurfs works for family audiences when it debuts July 18th. Based originally on a Belgian comic book series that turned into 1980s Saturday morning cartoon, Shrek the Third and Puss in Boots maker Chris Miller directs. Rihanna leads the voice cast as Smurfette. Others behind the mic include James Corden, Nick Offerman, JP Karliak, Daniel Levy, Amy Sedaris, Natasha Lyonne, Sandra Oh, Jimmy Kimmel, Octavia Spencer, Nick Kroll, Hannah Waddingham, Alex Sinter, Maya Erskine, Kurt Russell, and John Goodman.

The musical comedy hopes to reinvigorate a series that saw diminishing returns for the blue characters on the silver screen. 2011’s The Smurfs blended live-action with animation to terrific results with a $35 million opening and $142 million domestic haul. The 2013 follow-up essentially cut those earnings in half with an $18 million start and $71 million stateside. Smurfs: The Lost Village in 2017 was fully animated and totally underwhelming with $13 million out of the gate and $45 million overall.

Taking over distribution rights from Sony, Paramount is banking on Rihanna and nostalgia for this to land. That could be a challenge as younger viewers have had options this summer and the IP may not be one they’re even that familiar with.

Indications are that this might be lucky to match even the lowly Village numbers. That could mean just surpassing double digits or low teens.

Smurfs opening weekend prediction: $12.4 million

For my I Know What You Did Last Summer prediction, click here:

For my Eddington prediction, click here:

Unfrosted Review

To generously take a bowl is half super approach, Jerry Seinfeld’s Unfrosted features stand-up Kyle Dunnigan doing a pretty killer Walter Cronkite impression. His anchor recounts the news with trademark authority followed by darkly amusing off the air grumblings about his love life and alcoholism. Later on, Dunnigan follows up with an impressive Johnny Carson takeoff. There’s lots of comedians and comedic performers in the legendary Mr. Seinfeld’s directorial debut for Netflix. Most of them don’t get the chance to nail their brief screen time like Mr. Dunnigan. A lot of Unfrosted, a mostly fictional account of how Pop-Tarts came to be, consists of stale humor with too many subplots competing against one another.

Even 96 minutes feels long since there’s barely enough witty material for the 22 minutes Jerry used to work in. He plays Bob Cabana, a high level exec at Kellogg’s in 1963. This is one of those screenplays (by Seinfeld and his frequent collaborators Spike Feresten, Andy Robin, and Barry Marder) that constantly reminds us it’s set during that decade in increasingly lame ways. Along with his boss Edsel Kellogg III (Jim Gaffigan) and Melissa McCarthy’s NASA scientist turned cereal conglomerate employee, they are in a race to produce the best toasted pastry treat. In Battle Creek, Michigan, the combat lines are drawn with their rival Post led by socialite Marjorie Post (Amy Schumer). Such lines are not so subtly tied to another race – the space one – of that era.

Rhythms of Unfrosted becomes familiar in short order – a joke or two that work about a given subplot (like the correlation with the nation’s trip to the moon) that get overused swiftly. There’s bursts of inspiration like Dunnigan’s grousing. Bill Burr’s take on JFK is also a delight. Most of the time I wasn’t blown away by what else the overfilled screenplay had to say.

Since this is Seinfeld we’re talking about, there’s lots of funny people popping in for a day or two on the set. Hugh Grant is the very real Thurl Ravenscroft, a true Shakespearean thespian who voiced Tony the Tiger. The Kellogg gang recruits a hodgepodge of kitschy historical figures including fitness guru Jack LaLanne (James Marsden), Sea Monkeys maker and maybe Nazi Harold von Braunhut (Thomas Lennon), and Chef Boy Ardee (Bobby Moynihan) to develop the product. I could go on and on. Mixing all these talents together is bound to produce some amusing highlights and it does on occasion, but not nearly enough. Sometimes the satire totally misses like when it attempts to connect a mascot uprising to January 6th.

A lot of Unfrosted probably sounded better while Seinfeld and crew were discussing it over Zoom. Most of it might produce more guffaws if its Cronkite impersonator were handling the delivery.

** (out of four)

Oscar Predictions: Unfrosted

You might be familiar with his TV work, but Jerry Seinfeld’s cinematic output is limited to the 2002 doc Comedian and 2007’s animated Bee Movie. He makes his directorial debut and stars in Unfrosted, which loosely tells the story of how Pop-Tarts came into our world. The cast is an impressive mix of comedic talents including Melissa McCarthy, Jim Gaffigan, Hugh Grant, Amy Schumer, and many more that are tagged in this write-up.

Premiering on Netflix this weekend, reviews are finally popping up. The late embargo is explained by the troubling 18% Rotten Tomatoes score. Indicating a rare misfire for the small screen legend, this big screen product origin tale (a popular of genre lately) was never seen as an Oscar player. Yet considering the talent onboard, Golden Globe possibilities in the Musical/Comedy derbies seemed possible. Those appear to be toast. My Oscar Prediction posts will continue…

Oscar Predictions: Haunted Mansion

Disney’s second at bat in adapting their theme park attraction to the big screen arrives in theaters this Friday with Haunted Mansion. Directed by Justin Simien (maker of 2014’s acclaimed Dear White People), the cast includes LaKeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Rosario Dawson, Dan Levy, current Supporting Actress Oscar recipient Jamie Lee Curtis, and former Supporting Actor winner Jared Leto.

The family friendly horror comedy is drawing mostly indifference from critics. With 55 reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, the meter is at 55%. That’s an upgrade over the 14% for The Haunted Mansion from 2003 starring Eddie Murphy. Yet it’s not exactly in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl territory or even Jungle Cruise with 62%, to compare Mouse House ride based pictures.

Visual Effects or Production Design are really the only races where Mansion would have any opportunity for Academy attention. I guarantee Disney is far more concerned with this turning a profit (which could be a challenge) than any awards campaign. My Oscar Prediction posts will continue…

Haunted Mansion Box Office Prediction

Disney is again hoping families wish to check into the Haunted Mansion when it opens July 28th. Based on the half century plus old theme park attraction, Justin Simien directs with a cast featuring LaKeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Rosario Dawson, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Jared Leto.

The 2023 version is apparently adhering to the Sean Parker school of thought when it comes to titling. As you may recall, this is now the second pic based on the ride behind 2003’s The Haunted Mansion with Eddie Murphy. It opened over Thanksgiving weekend 20 years ago and grossed a fair $75 million stateside.

I’m not so sure kids are clamoring for a fresh take on this spooky story. Buzz seems quiet and that’s troubling for the Mouse House after the recent commercial disappointment Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.

Two decades ago, our Mansion with the The had a three-day premiere of $24 million and $34 million over the November holiday. The The less Mansion could open similarly in the mid to high 20s from Friday to Sunday. That’s pretty weak stuff considering we’re not adjusting for inflation.

Haunted Mansion opening weekend prediction: $25.4 million

For my Talk to Me prediction, click here:

Oscar Watch: Happiest Season

Hulu looks to have a holiday hit on their hands when Happiest Season holds its streaming debut on November 25th. The rom com stars Kristen Stewart as her character embarks on a holiday outing with the family of her girlfriend (Mackenzie Davis). Problem is, said girlfriend hasn’t yet come out to said family. Clea DuVall directs with a supporting cast including Alison Brie, Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy, Victor Garber, and Mary Steenburgen.

The review embargo lifted today and the results indicate a winner. Its Rotten Tomatoes rating stands at 93%. Particular praise has gone to a trio of performances: Stewart, Plaza, and Levy (who’s having quite a year with his multiple Emmys for Schitt’s Creek). When it comes to Oscar, however, I am skeptical that Season has any impact (potentially similar to another acclaimed Hulu comedy Palm Springs).

The Golden Globes, on the other hand, could be a different story. The pic could contend in the Musical/Comedy race, but I especially think Stewart could be recognized in Best Actress. Ms. Stewart has had a number of critically appreciated roles in her post Twilight years. A nod in the Musical/Comedy category would mark her first Globes mention. Oscar may have to wait for another season. My Oscar Watch posts will continue…